Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
