He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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