i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
