next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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