woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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