my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
