Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
