Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
