the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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