what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
