i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize