I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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