I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
