It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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