Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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