i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
