she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
