somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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