I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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