You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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