checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
