I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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