420 ftw
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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