I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
