I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize