My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
