From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
