please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
