if only i could text you this smell
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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