I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
