You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
