my phone needs a breathalizer
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize