so that wasnt chicken after all
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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