piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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