i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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