Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
