ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
