i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
