I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
