is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My nipple is on Facebook.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
