I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
