I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
