cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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