6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
