Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
