I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
