sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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