I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
