He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
