@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
