1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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