I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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