Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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