i was rollin on her like bob the builder
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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