no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Drake has all the answers
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
