and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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