And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
