I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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