; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
