I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
