you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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