Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
