One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
