Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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