i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
