He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize